Saturday, September 3, 2011

Mad Viking #4

Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition. Whether it be true or not, I can say for one that I have no other so great as that of being truly esteemed of my fellow men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem.
Abraham Lincoln

J's current peculiar ambition is to be enshrined in Spanky's Hall of Fame.  To be considered eligible for an induction, one must consume a grand total of 5 Mad Viking's over the course of a life time.  J had 3 in the history books and Hurricane Irene damage or not, he was determined to add another one and bring him within spitting distance of the Hall of Fame by Thanksgiving.  A man has to have lofty goals to keep him inpsired.

Spanky's is our favorite cheap eats hot dog stand on the OBX.  Spanky himself is the verbal offspring of the FedEx/MicroMinis fast talking guy and Lorelei Gilmore, a veritable auditory barrage every time you walk in the door.  Spanky's has quickly become the habit forming nictotine of our vacation, as we are too addicted to quit and need hits several times over the course of our stay.

What is the Mad Viking?  The jewel in the crown of Spanky and the retirement fund of many a cardiologist, a Mad Viking is a 2 lb burger--4 patties of manly man beef.  It's small enough by Man Vs. Food standards to be considered feasible, but large enough to provide a daunting challenge to anyone not named Adam Richman.  Or feed half of the nation of Chad for at least a week.  Over 1100 have been eaten to date.  Not sure how many difibrillation paddles have been given out, but I'm guessing around 1100.

J had been preparing all day--a light biscuit for breakfast and lots of diet drinks.  He ordered and Spanky unleashed his well rehearsed "cheesetomatolettucemayonaiseonion?" because we all know that what 2 pounds of beef need are extras on top of it.  Spanky added "friesnofries?".  J realized he knew him limitations and opted out of the fries and went with a Diet Pepsi, to keep his girlish figure.

When a Viking is delivered to the table, Spanky's staff rings a bell and shouts "Viking".   So the whoooole restaurant knows to look and point.  Game on. 

That's my uncle in the background.  I'm sure he's lost in thought, as my family is well known for our deep thought process.

When J ordered his first Viking last year, it came complete with instructions--dismantle it.  Pull out two patties & eat them by themselves.  Then eat the remaining two on the bun, as if it was a normal hamburger.  Normal by Fred Flinstone, brontosaurus burger standards, perhaps. 

 Going, Going, Gone. 

Lulu, being the ever vigliant daughter, decided to time him in his quest.  Here's is how he clocked in:

Notice the split time--the second leg was in pace with the first.  Then again, the bun may have slowed him down in turn 3.

In ten and a half minutes, he consumed a side of beef.  He signed the list, got his pic snapped by Spanky for posterity and got a sticker, which he claims will look sweet on my new car.  In the words of Bartleby the Scrivner "I prefer not to".

There is an episode of the Simpsons in which Marge Simpson is on the witness stand for a trial where Homer had sued an all you can eat seafood restaurant for kicking him out before he got his fill.  The lawyer asks Marge "After you were thrown out, what did you do?".  Marge replies "We went FISHING" and sobs into her hands.  I had that Marge moment.  After consuming that much food in one sitting, J wanted to get dessert.  We went to Sweet Frog and this is what he had

Personally, I would have gone for a stomach pump or at the very least, a Rolaids.  Not J.  Go big or go home, apparently.

Now on to #5!


  1. A great story of a great man. :) J is my hero- once again!

  2. Just wanted to say I saw your blog on Spanky's page. Good Luck on your new adventures.

  3. Thanks Kasey! Now you have me craving some Spankys. I don't Viking. I stick with the much tamer (and smaller) turkey sandwich. :)