A Little Burdie Told Me: Spanky's Hall of Fame

Over the Thanksgiving break, J managed to put away more than just turkey--he sealed his entry into Spanky's Hall of Fame by eating his 5th lifetime Mad Viking. Since this was no mere feat (personally I can't even finish the $1 double cheeseburger at McD's, much less have 1 Viking, much less have 5 Vikings), I figured that a mere blog post wouldn't do his success justice. Therefore, much like a great athlete holds a press conference (or like Adam Richman fields questions at the end of Man Vs. Food), I decided to give him his own little press conference. Here goes:

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Q: First of all, congratulations on achieving your Hall of Fame induction today. When you started the Viking quest in 2009, did you ever imagine you would be HOF material?

A: I never had aspirations of being in Spanky’s HOF. In fact it took me 6 years to actually try to eat a Mad Viking. It seemed like a formable task.

Thus begins the quest.

Q: What type of training did you do leading up to today? Any special dietary requirements?

A: The morning of the Mad Viking #5, I ate a light breakfast consisting of 1 egg and a few pieces of bacon. I skipped all carbs that morning.

Q: What’s your favorite color? Why?

A: Duke blue. No explanation necessary.

Q: If you could have had a theme song playing as you entered Spanky’s today, what would it have been?

A: Probably “Gonna Fly Now” better known as “Theme from Rocky” by Bill Conti. 34 years later that song still motivates and inspires.

Q: What advice can you offer to someone who is hoping to achieve HOF entry? What about to a first time eater?

A: The trick is to take the top two patties off and eat them with a fork and knife.

Illustration #1. Proper removal of two patties to be consumed with a knife and fork.

Finish by eating the other two with the bun and toppings.

Yes, that is just two patties.

The absolute key is to eat it FAST. That way you finish it before your stomach figures out what you are trying to do and revolts on you. It also helps to have someone time you. It is great incentive to improve your time splits. Our 11 year old daughter happily did that.

Why, yes, she did. Notice he dropped 4 minutes from Viking #4?

Q: I noticed you opted for unsweetened tea. What role did that play in the success?

A: In past Mad Viking undertakings I always drank diet Pepsi. I decided today to forgo the carbonation and I felt the sugar in sweet tea might wreak havoc. It was a conservative approach where I didn’t want any outside influences to affect me. A 2 lb burger deserves that kind of respect.

The unsweetened tea led to the signing of the Hall Of Fame list.

Q: If you were a tree, what kind would you be? Why?

A: It is not a tree, but close enough. I’d be a Venus Fly Trap. The ultimate meat eater.

Q: What are your next goals as they pertain to Vikings? What about for other monster works of food?

A: I just want to slowly inch up the standings and provide my family some entertainment by watching me eat. OBX Taco Bar has a 4lb taco salad that looks interesting. Not sure about all of that sour cream though. Ugh.

Q: How will this affect your Thanksgiving dinner plans? More importantly, how will this impact dinner plans for taking me out to eat tonight?

A: I rebound quickly. No worries about Thanksgiving. Ma’s cooking will be in good hands. My system handled Viking #5 so well that dinner tonight will be a joy. Oysters on the half shell at Awful Arthur’s is calling my name.